Sometimes you wake up and it’s just one of those days. Here’s five ways to save the day. Move Yourself. It seems to me that there inverse relationship between physical activity and overthinking. The more you sit, the more your mind moves. The more you move, the more your mind naps. Go outside. Fresh air solves a […]
Continue readingThe key question to ask yourself is this: ‘What am I willing to feel in order to live the kind of life I want?’[KM1] instead of this: ‘What can I do to stop feeling this way?’ You and I are not in total control of our emotions. We can influence them at times and avoid them for a bit, […]
Continue readingOur minds, sadly, are programmed to think about the future and predict what might go wrong and ultimately kill us. This jolly pastime is also, of course, known as worrying. You probably spend a lot of time worrying about how to worry less. This might include trying to drown yourself in positive thoughts or talk yourself […]
Continue readingSo, England lost. Not what I’d hoped for. I had face paints and bunting and everything. I feel pretty flat this morning. But it does feel different to other England footballing disappointments I’ve lived through (which have been numerous). And I think it’s this: because whilst we lost, I feel oddly hopeful. Hopeful because we […]
Continue readingThis is one of my favourite high tech tools for working out priorities. You will need – wait for it – a pen and a piece of paper. We use it in the NHS because that’s all we can afford anymore. Write down the things that are priorities for you right now. What are the […]
Continue readingHow often are you aware of the stories your mind tells you? Because it’s a great storyteller. But it’s not always telling you things that are useful, especially when it’s freaking out. Cognitive biases, or thinking errors, are the brain’s way ofquickly making sense of a situation. Sometimes that’s good, like when you are running away […]
Continue readingWhat’s in your Well Being First Aid Kit? Lockdown has got me thinking about mine. As a trauma therapist, I take well-being and mental health pretty seriously (sure you’re relieved to hear that) but these last few months have forced me to really work out what are my can’t-live-without tools not just for keeping it […]
Continue readingAre you really listening when someone is telling you something? If you really want to hear what someone is talking about, and what their experience is like, start by practising active listening. Active listening is something that therapists endeavour to do in order to help clients feel truly heard and supported, and I wanted to share some […]
Continue readingAre you willing to turn the idea of confidence on its head? To think about it in a totally different way? To be open to the possibility of creating sustainable confidence (see, am being environmentally friendly)? Then you are in the right place. I have worked with countless women over the years and by far the most […]
Continue readingUnsurprisingly, there are a lot of people out there struggling with their mental health who are looking for a therapist to help them through these times. I speak to prospective clients most days and this is the advice I give them when I can’t see them myself. 1. Word of mouth is good, but just […]
Continue readingHow are you in these crazy times (I feel like I have been asking that a lot)? If you are anything like me, you’ll be ricocheting between emotions like a pinball. One moment I am full of hope at humankind’s ability to pull together, deeply moved at everyone clapping for the NHS and at others […]
Continue readingI take your flimsy face masks and I raise you. I touch my face a lot. I mean a lot. Which ain’t good right now. So my solution is to wear this. It’s double good because the glass mask that goes on the front is magnified so you don’t need your reading glasses. Extra ace. […]
Continue reading’Never Let A Good Crisis Go To Waste’ – Winston Churchill It feels like we are in a crisis. Certainly I feel like I have not lived through something like this. But I also think it’s an opportunity. In any given moment, you have the choice to act according to your values. Viktor Frankl, the psychiatrist […]
Continue readingAn educated mind can entertain a thought with accepting it – Aristotle I think the biggest revelation I have had as a psychologist is finding out that I can choose what thoughts to buy into. You can actually choose whether to entertain a thought! Who knew? Well, Aristotle, obvs, but it was news to me. […]
Continue readingComplete the sentence. WHEN I have enough money/get a husband/get rid of a husband/get a bigger house/get a different job THEN I….Then what? Then I will be happy? Less stressed? Have more time? Be wary of this way of thinking – I know I have to be very careful not to get pulled into it. […]
Continue reading”The thing you fear most has no power. Your fear of it has the power. Facing the truth really will set you free.” Oprah WinfreyWhen I was a kid, I loved the film Jaws. When I say loved it, I mean I loved hiding behind the sofa and screaming. It’s brilliance was in the expectation […]
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Given that George Lucas created entire universes in his head and managed to make some of the most successful films of all time, I think he knows about setting realistic goals. Dreaming big is great, but to make things happen you need to break down those big dreams into small, achievable chunks. The key part […]
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Imposter syndrome can be defined as a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist despite evident success. ‘Imposters’ suffer from chronic self-doubt and a sense of intellectual fraudulence that override any feelings of success or external proof of their competence. Or, in other words, ‘I’m A Total Fake And Everyone Know It’ Syndrome. Imposter Syndrome is the […]
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Every year on the 1st December I unpack the Christmas decorations. Every year I find a very useful note I’ve written to myself saying ‘These are the tree lights. Stop buying so many decorations.’ Other than saving me time and money and avoiding being tangled in a load of duff lights, there’s something lovely about receiving […]
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I have just returned from northern Iraq, where I have been training Iraqi psychologists working with survivors of ISIS. It was a profoundly moving and humbling experience. And it wasn’t easy. The students are wonderful but teaching is hard, and obviously the things we are talking about are deeply traumatic – beyond what any human being […]
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Recently someone asked me how to press pause in moments of trigger so she didn’t keep playing out the same responses. That was a really great question. Who doesn’t struggle with that? I know I do – mainly flying off the handle too quickly and jumping to conclusions and causing myself a lot of unnecessary suffering. As […]
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The Myth of Motivation How do you solve a problem like motivation? Can you sing it to the tune of ‘how do you solve a problem like Maria?’ Ok, probably not. It can seem like motivation is the obstacle between you getting the life you want:I’ll go to the gym when I feel a bit […]
Continue readingHere’s an eclectic selection of books which I read in 2021 which I wanted to share with you in case you are struggling for your next good read. If you are super busy, then just scroll to the last book on the list…you’ll see why I am plugging it! Books to help you understand the […]
Continue readingThis is a great exercise to do when you find yourself in an emotional storm. It will keep you steady so you can choose what actions you take rather than switching on your autopilot. It’s called Dropping An Anchor (Harris, 2009)Push your feet hard into the floorSit forward in your chair, and straighten your backPress […]
Continue readingInstead of thinking of your emotions as irksome things to be controlled, consider them wise guides who have something to teach you about what matters to you deep in your heart. There’s a certain amount of wisdom in your painful feelings. They tell you what matters to you. You don’t feel sad, angry, afraid or […]
Continue readingIt can be helpful to ask yourself what you have learnt in your life, and especially in childhood, about emotions. Think about the following:What emotions were off limits?What emotions were openly expressed?What did the adults around you do or say when you were upset?What strategies did people around you do to deal with difficult emotions?Do […]
Continue readingThere’s a lot of fake news going around about happiness. Perhaps the most pervasive one is that the normal state for humans is to be happy. We did not survive by being chilled out and happy. Now when we feel a so-called natural and normal ‘negative’ emotion, which might be totally appropriate, we think we have […]
Continue readingPositive thinking isn’t always the panacea it’s cracked up to be. It all depends on context – when and why you use it. Sometimes it’s fine to fuse and really buy into ‘I am super-duper brilliant at parking’ or ‘I nailed that interview.’ But you can fuse to a point of toxicity – ‘I am […]
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